My ambition

What is it that we want with life? What are ambitions and what are wants? How can one differentiate between a necessity and a need?

Life is short indeed, one minute you’re alive and the next minute you’re not. Yes that is life you would say to me and yes that is true… but what is it that makes life different for us from that of animals.

I sit here today realizing how I have wasted so many years of my life not really knowing what is it that I want to do. I have never really academically excelled in anything, even if I was very passionate about it. Have I achieved any goal or fulfilled any ambition I ever had, no I haven’t! Why you may ask? I do not have an answer myself, for I think I have lost track as to why there is not ambition of mine that I am yet to fulfill…

I know just one thing I wish I could, the one thing I want to do…. Write. All I want to do is spend each day, writing. I enjoy writing… I love writing… scribbling lines, making words come together to form poetry or prose. I wish I could just write. My ambition in life is to be able to write to make a living. I want to write everyday of my life.

Some years back someone told me about the Harvard Summer Writing program and I fell in love with the fact that something like that existed. I have wanted desperately to go for it, though I doubt my writing skills etc. but yes I would love to be able to go for something like that.

I know it isn’t possible in the near future and may never be but yes I want to go.

I want to write a book… too many ideas on the story float in my head and have penned a couple of those initial floating ideas down into chapters that some good editor would probably trash, but yes that is desperately want to do.

People who know of this ambition of mine, keep saying that I should, but only if my writing would sell right now and bring in money into my bank account I would.

I feel so lost. I feel so weirdly incomplete from the time I stopped writing 3 years back. I used write and nearly everyday, but I do not anymore. It’ lie to say I don’t get time or that I’m just too tired. I do not write because it reminds me of the deepest and most passionate ambition and need of mine that I have killed for reasons I am yet to understand.

May be a day will come when I will if nothing else be able to understand why I have stopped writing and may be find a solution. Till then writing adios!!!

WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE?

WHY DO PEOPLE DIE? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DIE YOUNG? IT WOULD BE EASIER IF THEY DIED ONCE THEY REACHED A RIPE OLD AGE COZ THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THAT THEY WERE THERE FOR A LONG TIME? WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE???

I DONT LIKE PEOPLE WHO DIE EARLIER THAN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TOO...'COZ PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM MISS THEM EVERYDAY AND ALL THE TIME...

IT'S NOT FAIR ON THE PEOPLE THEY LEAVE BEHIND...'COZ THEY CRY AND THEY MISS THEM AND WANT THEM TO RETURN BUT THEY DONT.... I WANT KJ TO COME BACK IF POSSIBLE...

I MISS KAVITA... I MISS HER EVERYDAY AND ALL THE TIME....