It’s been months since I last saw you, or saw you so much as smile… months and the world hasn’t moved an inch… even when it has tried to, something holds it back…
I look around and see some happy faces, some sad ones, and yet the only face I look for every where is your’s. Not seeing you in so long makes everything incomplete… Something is forever missing…
When I drive through this city, I forever look for your car - so that if nothing else I catch a glimpse of you… So often I think maybe I should call just so that I can hear your voice… Sometimes I wish I had the guts to stand all night long outside your door, just to be able to see you step out sometime in the morning… Even if it means you’ll kill me…
Your scent still lingers on in my mind and when there’s nothing I can do to remove it from there… Everything I smell I try and catch your scent somewhere in there …
The mystery in your eyes, the half crooked smile when I did something stupid or amusing and that laughter that was like music to my ears - all are missing and I feel, as if life is missing…
While I talk to the world and I spend my time with them, I am not there… I’m with you even though you are not there… You are this parallel track that runs in my mind at all waking hours and each minute I sleep.
I know I was a no one; someone easily forgotten and deleted; but for me you are not the same… I have so many conversations with you in my mind that at times I am amazed if I am even sane anymore…
Each person I meet I look for your reflection in them, something that might ease the pain of not having you here anymore…
When I look at my hands, I can only think of those brief moments - when I held yours, touching your soft skin, your hair, your face… I live in those brief memories of 6 months and it seems eternity was spent in that tiny duration…
Whether in a group or all alone, I cannot stop you from being there… you’re there, you are everywhere… everything is incomplete without you ….
I cannot enjoy cooking anymore… Whenever I cook, I cannot help but think off you…
I cannot laugh anymore because the thought of me making you laugh comes to my mind and how much I miss that laughter…
People say I should hate you; but I cannot (not that I make an effort too).
In return I hate my house because it is so incomplete without you; I hate holidays because all I looked forward too was spending some time with you on that day…
I started sleeping on your side of the bed so that maybe I’d miss you less, but that doesn’t happen either…
Nothing I do – meeting people, keeping myself busy, working harder etc etc stops you from being there in my head… there’s nothing I am able to do to get you out of my system….
As if time has stopped and I am stuck at that point when I met you… I cannot sleep much anymore; for it isn’t the restful sleep I had when you came… there isn’t the peace I felt when you were sleeping next to me, 3 feet away but here and I knew I was safe…
I look at my phone a 100 times a day hoping to see some message or some call from you…
I check my email all the time hoping to hear a word from you but nothing…
Each night I sleep thinking I will wake up in the morning and maybe just maybe things will change and you will be here or may be the pain will go… and every morning I wake up with the realization that you are not coming back…
Stuck In A State Of Limbo, My Own Purgatory, Burning In This Inferno; For I Am Damned In This Infernal Plot Of Life!
