Sometimes you stay up into the wee hours of the morning, all single and alone, enjoying the pleasures of silence or the freedom of doing what you like. Then you look at your watch and think to yourself “Wow! It is 2:30 am, got to go to work, so I better try and catch some sleep!”
You walk back into your room, switching off the T V, shutting off the lights and doing the whole routine of locking up etc. You get into bed, snuggling up in your quilt and Bam! The loneliness hits you hard.
It hits you that there isn’t anyone waiting for you in your bed except your pillow and that there wasn’t anyone to call out to you even once to say “Babe! Come and sleep now, It’s getting late and you have a long day ahead tomorrow.”
It hits you that when the first rays of sunlight hit your face in the morning, there is no one next to you in whose crook of the arm you can bury your face and feel the warmth. And, when the maid rings the doorbell, there isn’t anyone to argue with on who will get up to open the door.
It shatters your belief in the whole world of single-dom that there isn’t anyone hoping and wishing you have a good day and no one to come back home to, who will look at your face and jus say “Bad day, huh?” and then maybe, just may be give you a warm hug.
And, as you think of dinner, you realise that your life now lacks the simple pleasures of cooking for someone, or being cooked for or just cooking together and then fighting on who will lay teh table and who will clean up afterwards!
There isn’t anyone to argue and fight with on what to watch on T V or what movie to go for! There isn’t anyone to help you sort out the laundry and there isn’t anyone to curl up next to and read.
A tear rolls down your eyes as it strikes you, how you have no one to wake up next who will say something as simple as “Do we have to go to work today? Why don’t we just stay here curled up in bed and may be later uncurl a bit!” with a wink and a kiss.
You start to sob as you realise that there isn’t no one to wake you up sometimes with a cup of coffee or someone who remembers just how much you like your eggs sunny side up! And as you cry you realise that there is no one to wake up with on a Sunday and laze around the house with and no one to call you just once in a while in the middle of the day to tell you that they are missing you!
And, you start to weep as you understand that there isn’t anyone to whisper sweet nothings or someone who smile when they see you. There isn’t that someone you keep no secrets from and there isn’t going to be a simple short sms saying stupid things like ‘I love you’ or ‘I want you’ on your phone again!
You get up from your bed, wiping your tears and you find a piece of paper and a pen, writing all this down , your loneliness doesn’t go but you feel a little better. You get a little drowsy and you think “May be I should just try and sleep now!”
You put the paper aside, switching off the light, stubbing out the cigarette you hug your pillow to sleep, only to be woken up in a few hours by either the sunlight or the maid and then the feeling of loneliness hits you all over again!
